Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
