Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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