That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
