ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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