Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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