Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
