Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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