Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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