we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
