I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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