Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
