Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize