last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
