all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My penis needs a shock collar
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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