Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
