You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
