I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
