just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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