I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
