be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
