They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
