a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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