you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We need to get me chipped asap
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
