what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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