If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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