I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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