I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
