Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
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I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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