i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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