i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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