I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
