last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
