I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
