i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
