I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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