my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
