so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
