Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I didn't notice because vodka
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
