jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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