I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
