dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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