I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
