Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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