woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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