i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
