He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
