Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
