i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
