Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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