If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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