I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
