Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
