she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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