I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
