My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
