he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
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I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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