so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
