Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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