I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
