just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
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first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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