Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
