what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
