Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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