That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
