So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
