thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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