I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
