I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
