just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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