just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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