$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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