"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
