There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
