Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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