Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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