we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
